being heard
About a month ago Bear said something that made me mad, but it was the kind of mad where you don’t realize you’re mad until later when you mull over it. A month later when I remember it I still get a little mad over it.
She was talking about her new boyfriend and how his parents got divorced when he was a junior in high school. “And that’s really hard,” she said.
“You know, my parents got divorced when I was a junior.” I said.
“Oh, really? I thought it happened when you were younger.” And then she moved on with her story.
At the moment I pushed it away, but that night I remembered it and got so mad. First, she was my roommate for two years and she never knew when my parents got divorced? What the heck? Her complete and utter lack of knowledge of my personal life pisses me off. And because she doesn’t know even the basics of my family life, I’m even less inclined to divulge any other information to her, so the gap widens.
What else upset me was the feeling that her boyfriend’s situation was sadder than mine. Like it’s, “Oh poor boyfriend,” and not a care given about how shitty it was when my parents got divorced. I tried to tell her about all the current problems with my sister and she was a horrible audience. It pisses me off.
I think I have a problem with feeling like I’m not being heard. Even my therapist mentioned it. He said, “well it sounds to me like your friends aren’t really listening.” Sometimes that’s all you need. Someone to listen and actually give a damn so you feel like your problems are actually worthwhile. Before he said that I tended to dismiss the feeling that I wasn’t being heard by telling myself not to demand so much attention or that my problems didn’t really matter, and so why should they listen? But they do matter. And it shouldn’t be asking too much for your friends to care.
When I told the same thing to Theory, she was such a better audience. She cared about the situation, devoted all her attention to me, and asked about how I was handling the situation and how I felt about it, not just focusing the whole time on my sister.
