Fuddy Meers

Last Friday Theory ordered tickets for the two of us to see a university play, but my roommate wanted to go, but couldn’t because she already had plans. So Theory calls the office and gets the date changed to the next Friday, yesterday. As the week goes by Theory keeps reminding my roommate, Bear, to call and order her ticket.

Friday rolls around and she hasn’t yet, but not to worry! She’s got a plan. She works as an usher at the theater and knows the usher working that night. So we walk in, hand the girl our tickets, while Bear runs up and hugs the girl and engages in chit-chat, asking about working, smiling wide. As Theory and I start to walk in the theater, Bear waves goodbye to her friend and walks in with us.

Now, there are worse crimes than sneaking into a university play. It’s not exactly that that I’m upset or unsettled over. But when she does things like that it offends some moral code I have inside of me. A part of me doesn’t think it’s fair that she didn’t order a ticket; that she was lazy and forgetful and and she doesn’t have to pay for it in the end. There are no consequences for her. That pisses me off a little bit. And what’s more, I think she used her friend to get in the play. I looked on in a mixture of shock and disgust at Bear schmoozing her friend, and how fake she was being. How calculating it all was. It almost makes me question what she would use me for when it comes convenient.

second wind

So I’ve been letting myself slack off on my 2009 theme. I’ve been using sickness as an excuse not to do much, and trying to use all these reasons and “logic” to explain why I can’t or shouldn’t do all these things.

The weather is motivating me to buck up. I’m FINALLY starting to get over my sickness (a cold/cough thingie that morphed into a sinus infection) and I want to start following my theme more. I not only want to do more, but put more energy into it. Look forward to doing these things and not view it as something that needs to get done and over with so I can go back to my laptop and watch the newest episode of The Office. For example, my volunteering group is having a social tomorrow night and a part of me is dreading it. But they’re nice people and there’ll be food and whatnot.

almost conversations

I sit or stand there, sneaking a glance or two in their direction. Hi, my name is… I rehearse in my mind. Quick, think of topics to bring up. Um…what’s your major? I almost open my mouth to strike up a conversation. I almost force myself to suffer through the painful awkwardness that is my small talk. I almost nervously chuckle (it almost always comes to that). I almost subject myself to those inward cringes and I seriously just said that thoughts.

Then the moment passes, I lose my nerve, I chose to slip in my usual silence.

I miss so many chances to say hello and meet a new person. I used to be such a friendly and open girl.