the perfect resume

My college is having an Internship and Job Fair this week and I’m trying to whip up a resume by then. I probably won’t apply for any internships, but this will hopefully be a trial run for next year. We’ll see.

I hate the phoney-ness of it all. How fake it all is. For example I’m listing my work experience, talking about how working at my mom’s store has provided me with a “wide array of skills” and all that bullshit. Pretty much what I do is ring up the customer’s, help them find products around the store, stock shelves and handle the cash. Most of the time I have to put up with crap from customers, whether is just them being rude or picking up trash they leave or putting away a product they put on the wrong shelf. Can’t I just say that? Can’t I just say that it’s pretty much a part time job where you have to put up with a lot of crap, get an okay paycheck and the only skills you really learn is how to smile when all you want to do is cuss out a customer (a valuable skill, if I do say so myself).

No one does leadership activities because they want to, but rather as resume fluffers and what do you learn from that? I hate lip service so much. Sort of like when on job applications they ask “Why do you want to work here?” It’s not because it looks like a “great working environment” – I just need a paycheck. Or worse, those personality tests some jobs as you to take, such as “Is it EVER okay to steal from the company?” “What would you do if you saw another employee stealing?” Honestly, I probably would just let that damn employee do whatever they wanted to. What good are the questions if everyone lies? It is to weed out the idiots who tell the truth? To ensure you hire those who’ll give those with authority lip service? I guess the idea being that so long as they act like you have authority it’s all okay.

wept a little weep

I’ve been really weepy lately and I don’t know why.

I’m currently reading Little Women and when I got to “Beth Finds the Palace Beautiful” I kept tearing up. It’s the chapter where Mr. Laurence gives Beth a piano. And then last night my roomie and I were watching the end of Freaky Friday and we both began to get a little teary eyed. I can be such a sap sometimes.

Beth had her troubles as well as the others, and not being an angel but a very human little girl, she often ‘wept a little weep,’ as Jo said, because she couldn’t take music lessons and have a fine piano.

because “just do it” was taken

Goodbye 2008.

You were not the best year, I regret to tell you. There were some bright points, but overall you could have been better. Just look at this blog – I totally retreated into myself and rarely posted.

I was hurting. I didn’t know that. I didn’t know to what extent I was hurting either. I have a sort of idea now and it makes me wish I could go back and give past me a nice long hug. I needed one. I needed someone to look me in the eye and say that there was nothing I could do that would make them love me less and that I was completely lovable and worthwhile, despite my flaws. I needed someone to listen.

This past year I was hurting, but kept it from everyone, including myself. I told myself that I shouldn’t be hurting – why should I be? But I was anyway. How much does it suck that the year I themed connections was one where I felt so lonely and had no one to really talk to.

I want to frame 2009 differently. I’m going to acknowledge that I still hurt, and might for a while now. But the new theme can be summarized into one word: act.

This is to help me deal with a bunch of issues into one syllable. Sometimes I get frozen by indecision and I don’t know what choice to make because I’m worried about making the wrong one. Now I am going to just make a choice and deal with the consequences. Making a choice has to be better than doing nothing. I also want to use this word to increase productivity. When I’m mindless surfing YouTube, it’ll remind me to act and work on actual homework. I also want to use it to help me get involved in more activities, rather than secluding myself. It is not going to include exercising. It can, but that won’t be a particular goal of mine.

So hopefully here’s to a year of action.

it’s all just hormones and chemicals. it’s not real.

A month or so ago at lunch my roommate was telling us all that her bio teacher told the class that after you hug someone for thirty seconds chemicals go off in the brain that tell you you can trust that person. I agreed, hugging after all is one of my favorite hobbies.

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that thirty seconds is a long ass time. No wonder chemicals start going off in the brain. That’s borderline cuddling. Then a sadder thought came to me. I don’t have anyone I could hug for thirty seconds or who would hug me for thirty seconds.

If someone did, by the ten second mark I probably would burst into tears.