father bear is very fat….mother bear is slender….baby bear is oh so cute

I finally feel well enough to update.

So many times I came here to rant or just plain complain about how miserable I felt. I got my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The whole process took over two hours. It took so long that by the time they got to my last tooth the anesthesia was starting to wear off. Over the course of the whole process I think I received about ten shots of Novocain or whatever it was. Thank goodness I only have three wisdom teeth (the fourth never grew in mysteriously. Not that I’m complaining).

The pain on the first day was pretty bad, but I got some pills that sort of help the pain, but mostly make you sleep. But this isn’t lovely refreshing sleep where you wake up feeling rested. You have crazy dreams, wake up about every three hours, and as you’re falling asleep you have racing, incoherent thoughts. What’s worse, I was totally nauseous the next day.

But now, the nausea and pain are mostly gone. My cheeks are swollen (I looked like a chipmunk yesterday. Mom wanted a picture, but I had no desire to document this part of my life) and my stitches pull a little bit. I’m still stuck eating soft pasta, but other than that, it’s okay. I’m really craving some real food though – Chick-fil-a or a pizza or a burger(oh so nutritious!). No more noodles, please.

That being said, I absolutely love my new dentist. Love.

Who loves their dentist?

falling down

My mom’s old store was torn down a few days ago. She worked in that old, OLD building for so many years. And now it’s a big pile of rubble.

Whenever I drive past it, I always feel a small tinge of sadness.

working too hard, forgetting how to play

This is turning into my loneliest summer to date.

I don’t have much of a life outside of work. When I have free time I don’t know what to do with it. I try to stay productive, do cleaning, reading, exercising, but eventually I just feel burnt out. Then I get cranky, especially at work. I have to do lists for the day, but once they’re through, I just sit, clueless about what I should do next. Because I work such a great deal, and very inconvenient hours (often times 3-8 or 12-8) I have difficulty making plans with my friends.

I think I only spoke about thirty words so far today.

I’ve resolved to call a friend once I figure out this week’s schedule. My theme of the year is supposed to be connections.

Brownie

At my school there are the regular dorms and also Residential Colleges. For one RC you have to send an application and a board of students decide who gets to live there. It’s not an academic application. No one cares about majors, extracurricular activities or GPAs. Instead there are questions like: If you could recast the cast of Star Wars, who would you pick and why? What do the fruits of your ambition taste like? Short people get rained on last. You are now two inches tall; what do you do with your extra dry time?

A lot of “weird” people live in the RC; the “artsy” people. Theory applied and got in. She encouraged me to apply, and I even printed out an application, ready to do it. But when you’re pressed for time, with all these assignments, filling out silly essay questions doesn’t seem like the best use of time. So I never applied.

I don’t really regret it. I’m not going to live the rest of my life wishing I had applied. But I wish I hadn’t let fear get in the way. Just overall fear of rejection. I’m not artsy at all. I can’t take an old fork, mismatched buttons and two pieces of duct tape and make something cool. I told myself that there was no way I would get in, so why bother applying? So I didn’t.

No good things start with B…except one

Today I bought a BMW.

Well…not exactly, but I enjoy saying that. I bought a BMW. Sounds lovely. I didn’t actually buy it though; my mom did (against my recommendation, but she’s a stubborn woman) and she chose to put my name on the purchase as well to help build up my credit history. So I did all the signing, but won’t do any of the paying, but the car will still be in my name. Although I have yet to drive the car, much less sit in it.

It feels almost grown up.

Weezer

So Tuesdays are going to be list day! I can’t make any promises for consistency, but I’ve got one or two list in my mind. We’ll see.

First off: Top Three Best First Lines of Weezer

1. “Goddamn you half-Japanese girls” (El Scorcho)
   
   I remember listening to Pinkerton, my first Weezer album, thinking, “okay, um, alright…” But I stopped once I heard this line. This is probably the moment I fell in love with the band. The rest of the verse is as great as the beginning (“do it to me every time/ the redhead says you shred the cello/ And I’m jello, baby”)
2. “What’s with these homies dissin’ my girl? Why do the gotta front?” (Buddy Holly)
   
   Come on, totally classic!
3. “They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair” (Pork and Beans)
   
   Not only is the song title great, any song that mentions Rogaine is pretty good in my book.

Well there you have it. The first installment of Tuesday Lists.

Just don’t call me Ariel

So I’ve been kind of neglecting these poor dancers lately. I’ve been writing in my Moleskine more frequently. There is some family drama going on every now and then, and I usually feel uncomfortable writing so much about others on here. Like it’s an invasion of their privacy.

I think overall I’ve become far more cynical towards people. Pessimistic. Some see the meeting of new people as an opportunity to hear a new story, make a new friend, help someone. Me, all I see is the awkward stalls in the conversation, the meaningless small talk, the shallow compliments. “Oh that top is so cute,” only goes so far.

Honestly, I think deep down I view meeting new people as the opportunity for these people to hurt me. The sensible, practical thing to do would be to just let it all go. Get over it, accept that people hurt you and stop nursing it deep within your chest as proof of how the world has done you wrong. There’s this quote from The Secret Life of Bees. “In a weird way I must have loved my little collection of hurts and wounds. They provided me with some real nice sympathy, with the feeling I was exceptional.”

On other note, I got my hair dyed red. Not bold red, but red enough. My goal for this summer is to not only be fairly productive (so far I’m doing a pretty good job at that), but also try to shake up my look. This is partially a backlash to my university. My school feels so homogenous – everyone wears the same preppy collared shirts and summer dresses and such and that’s fine. They are allowed to wear what they like. But I started to feel this pressure to dress like them. It was never a vocal pressure – no one was telling me that my look was wrong, but the pressure was there anyway. Now that I’ve gotten a breather from that atmosphere, I can look at what I actually like and enjoy it. And for now, that is my red hair.