If I’m unhappy about something the worst thing you can say to me is, “Well, try to look on the bright side of things. Nothing ever gets done focusing on the bad,” or something to that effect. It infuriates me because you’re 1) telling me I should feel, when really, I’m well aware of how I should feel and 2) it shows me that you aren’t really listening to me and my issues. It’s so easy to say, “Buck up Chuck! The sun’ll come out tomorrow!” rather than listen to what’s really upsetting me and, hey, maybe even helping me come up with actual solutions!
Maybe some people do need to be reminded to be positive, and yes, I probably could stand to be more positive myself. But I’m aware of my negativity and for me to be at the point where I’m expressing it so means that it’s gone past the point where I can smile my way through it. By this point I’ve already tried to be cheerful and something is still lacking. By telling me to stop feeling how I am feeling and instead feel another way completely delegitimizes my problems. I’m not dealing with actual problems with my family or loneliness at college or crap teachers, it’s all my attitude.
NO! I’ve spent the longest time believing it really was all my fault and that if only I was a good enough person or if only I tried hard enough or if only I was more positive then it would be okay. Yes, my attitude is part of the solution, but FUCK sometimes there are problems outside of my body and my attitude. Sometimes I have trouble finding my place here at school and sometimes I have to deal with crappy teachers and sometimes I hate my body and sometimes I’m stressed and overwhelmed.
So maybe, listen? it’s hard as all hell, I get it, but maybe? Try to listen and understand that when I say, “God, I hate college,” I’m really saying, “God I hate how I feel so alone here and still haven’t found my niche and fear I never will. God I hate how inadequate I feel on a daily basis because I’m surrounded by all these over achievers and that my feelings of inadequacy stem from low self-worth or a self-worth based on things like grades and not based in the belief that what I am is worthy, not what I do or produce.” I’m dying to share all of this with you and hear you, but I get cut short when you say, “College isn’t that bad. You just gotta keep trying, because what do you get when you don’t try, right?”
